The weekend

A little disheartening news, Greyson’s PDA did not close with the medication. I spoke with the nurse practitioner yesterday evening and we haven’t decided what the next step will be. Furthermore, Grey’s PDA will continued to be monitored and surgery will not be scheduled until there is a definite need. This opening allows blood to flow directly from the aorta into the pulmonary artery, which can put a strain on the heart and increase the blood pressure in the lung arteries. If an echocardiogram shows any strain on the heart or if the circulation of blood begins flowing in the wrong direction then Grey will need surgery. I’m not relieved by this news. Honestly, I can’t even think about surgery- it makes me so sick, physically and mentally. However, I have been told that Greyson’s lungs will improve if the PDA is closed. We haven’t forgotten about those tiny lungs, they are still very immature and need a lot of assistance. His chest x-rays are still unclear and showing too much fluid.

This weekend was difficult. We are definitely on one of the downward slopes of the roller coaster. Matthew and I are more than eager for some good news. Good news meaning a concrete improvement. Lately I have been feeling desperate. Everyday I talk to the nurses and doctors with pleading eyes- please tell me something good! I’m sure they are familiar with these eyes; I’m not the only mother silently begging with her eyes in the NICU. I know that our strengths will continue to be tested- some weeks are more strenuous than others. However, everyday that I look at my beautiful boy I feel a little stronger- a little less weary.