Sunday, November 22, 2009



So we've been running around the house with Grey, our new cowboy! My Aunt Ellen and Grandma are visiting from IN so I was sure to introduce them to the cowboy this morning. I knew the hat would bring a few laughs but we actually ended up in tears. Honestly, we have these moments often. These are truly tears of happiness. How did we manage to get here? I cry not because what I fear might happen but I cry for the triumph of trusting again. I trust in myself that Greyson is going to be healthy. You know there were many times during our NICU stay when I thought the grief was going to suck the life out of me. At times the grief was so intense. You know, grief is mostly associated with loss, however, what I felt was definitely grief. Something so precious had been taken too soon. I read once that you should plan ahead for grief triggers. Well, I dropped off a gift to one of our very special nurses the other day and she was working in the Stahlman NICU. This is the NICU that Greyson was first taken to for several weeks after birth. I walked back through those doors and the memories were fresh. Smell has such a strong power to vividly bring back memories and I remembered the smell most. The NICU world still exist. I think that was the most disturbing. Monitors were chiming and nurses were busy buzzing around isolettes. Our nurse was anxiously awaiting the arrival of a new admission and chatted while aggressively watching the doors for their new baby. It felt good to see our nurse again but sadness had settled. Babies will continue to be born too soon. The tiniest are fighting right now to survive. I've been thinking a lot lately about our journey. November is prematurity awareness month like I mentioned in one of my latest post. We won't ever forgot our experience. However, I don't want to ever forget that more than a million preemies will die each year.

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